its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
