My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
