I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Welp...herpes.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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