Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
