my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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