U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
