I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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