wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize