You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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