So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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