Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
