Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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