Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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