So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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