I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
