I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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