i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
