That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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