so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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