Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
