tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
