i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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