So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
