You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Barsexuality is the new black.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
