The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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