I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
