uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize