my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
