There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize