U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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