so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
