just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
