I wanna bring you to show and tell
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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