all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
