Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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