Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
