Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
