My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
