ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
