I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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