she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
