Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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