I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
