on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize