Pappa wants mamma naked
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
