btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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