I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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