you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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