If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
