listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Shame - the story of my life.
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