I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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