Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
