i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
