so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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