I must be too annoying 4 u.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
