My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
