I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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