She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
