Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
