My brain says no but my pants say off.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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