You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
