dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
