I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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