im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
