Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
