I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
