3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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