Soap is not a condiment
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
