I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
