I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
