why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
