for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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