he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
