He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
