I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They took my balls.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
