Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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