He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
