Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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