whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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