sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
